Tails does the Crime but must he do the Time?
by Stuff Gal
Summary: Tails is up to lots of mischief!! Can his friends bail him out and teach him a lesson about crime? Rated PG-13, just in case. Mostly humor, but a few other stuff...I suppose...
1. An Old Man and the Sea

Here's the second fic. I ever made--EVAH!!! Yippee!!! Woohoo!!! All right!!! While I do the Pimento Beans victory dance, you, dear reader, can READ!!!!

Wheeee!! Here's my update:

Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and his friends, even though I do own a copy of Sonic Adventure 1. That's about it!!

**Tails does the Crime--but must he do the Time?**

****

**Chapter One: An Old Man and the Sea**

Once upon a time, there lived a fox. But he wasn't just any fox. He could walk on two legs, just like people can, and speak English (okay, Japanese, but this fic.'s in English. 'Kay?), just like people who can speak English can, and many other things. He and his friends have gone through the famous ANTHROPOMORPHISM!!!!!--that's all. 

He was a very mischievous fox, though. He has done crimes of all sorts-graffiti, car theft-he once even stuffed a goose into an old lady's purse. Why, I don't know, but Tails sure thought it was funny. 

One day, Tails was walking through Station Square, thinking of his next crime. All of a sudden, he heard an old-man-sounding-ish voice. 

"Please," said the old dude, "help me cross the street."

Tails walked over to near the burger place, where the old man stood. He looked both ways. He then pointed out,

"Um…I honestly don't see any cars which would prevent you from crossing."

"Yes, but when I step onto the street, all the cars'll come zoomin' by."

Tails watched as the old man set one foot out upon the street. Nothing. The old codger stepped another foot out, very slowly and carefully. He quickly returned to the sidewalk after seeing a car about to come. 

"Oh, well, look!!" Tails yelled, angry at how slow the old coot was, "the cars stop anyway!! Watch!" He stepped into the street, and the oncoming car screeched to a halt as soon as Tails stepped out.

"… … …Well, that's 'cuz you're a young lil' fox. I'm not." replied the old geezer. 

Tails returned to the sidewalk. That's when he got his idea.

"Don't worry, old guy, I'll help you across!" he offered. 

"Ya' will? Thank-oof!!" Tails picked the old guy up. He carried him across the street. Then, he carried the old fart to the direction of Twinkle Park.

"Eeyaaa!! Where're you takin' me?!" yelled the elderly citizen. 

Tails stopped at the mini-beach type place, the one between Twinkle Park and the spot where you can ride to Eggman's place. He then threw the elderly guy into the water. 

Tails gave an evil grin as he tuned to walk away. But then, suddenly-- 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

END CHAPTER ONE.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Stay tuned to your computer for the next chapter!! Don't you just LOVE cliffhangers? Don't you also just love the way I didn't use a certain term to describe an old man more than once? Well, just hang tight, or whatever people like to say. I'll get chapter 2 ASAP!!

If I can't get it by Thursday, then hopefully I'll get it by Monday!!! ^_^() Bye for now!!! :-)   


	2. Gone Through the Wind

-cha cha cha, Pimento Beans, cha cha cha, beans of Pimento!! Yeah!!! I took a break from my dance to update!! For all of you who are strict in rules, don't report me for not having a disclaimer!! Please? Especially because I just updated my first chapter to put it in, even though the update hasn't gone through yet (at least, it hasn't at the time I typed this.). Back to reading chapter two!!! 

Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and all those assorted others. See? I remembered this time!!! 

**Tails does the crime--but must he do the Time?**

****

**Chapter Ni (Japanese for #2)- Gone Through the Wind**

"No…I can't be seeing this…" Tails said to himself, stunned. Apparently, the old man somehow just came out of the water and smoothly glided across the sand, past Tails, just now. Without moving his feet, the old man continued sliding on, up to the sidewalk.

"Okay, so my imagination is on the fritz. I'll just pick him up and throw him again!! That's all…heheh…heheh…" Tails added to his one-sided conversation, sounding as if this could send him to the mental institution.

Tails hopped up to the sidewalk, grabbed the old man again, and chucked him into the water-again. And, speaking of things that happen again, the old man slid back to the sidewalk with incredible ease. Tails tried a few times more, with only the same results.

"Okay, this is creepy. REEEEAAAAAAALLLLY creepy!!!!" Tails called out. The old guy turned his head three hundred sixty degrees (Yes, this is the part where you cue the horror music) and stopped his head the second time around to look at Tails. He gave him a grin of pure evil, saying,

"MWAHAHA!! TAILS!!! I WILL CALL THE POLICE ON YOU!!! MWAHAHA-*hack, cough* Oops, forgot to take my pills."

The old person took a moment to take his pills before returning to his laughter of evil.

"Um, where was I? Oh yeah- MWAHAHA!! HAHAHAHA!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

While the old man stood there, cackling evilly, Tails stood there, screaming, like an idiot. This happy little scene continued on for a few moments, before Tails finally snapped to his senses,

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH--Wait a minute--why am I just standing here? Shouldn't I be running away?" With that, Tails ran away. The old man was still laughing.

For some reason, Tails was under the impression that the old man was chasing him

"I don't want to live a life in jail!! That's even worse than no life!!! Hey, that's a great idea!! I'll just go and commit suicide!!" Tails ran over to a place with metal shutters, located near Twinkle Park. In a huff, he dropped his keys to the place. Wait a minute-a hole's burnt into the shutters, he doesn't need keys…Okay, so his car wouldn't start…*sigh*, He has no car. This fic. goes against the Rules of a Good Horror Story. 

"Think you can catch up with me, Tails? Well, you're wrong!!" Eggman yelled. 

"I must get to that missile before you do!! I must commit suicide!!!" Tails called out, noble as if he had that good old samurai pride.

Eggman's hover-craft-thingy wouldn't start. Ah. So that's where the car-can't-start scene ran away to. 

Anyways, Tails sped up in front of Eggman, and as he sped by, Eggman's hover-craft-thingy finally was able to start up.

"Tails, wait for me!!!" he begged.

"Suicide!! Suicide!! Suicide!!" Tails cheered himself on. 

***Sometime not too long after this moment***

Tails reached the missile while Eggman was still in pursuit somewhere halfway through the level behind Tails. 

"Okay!!! Death, here I come!!" Tails happily cried out.

The missile went KRAK KRAK KRAK. 

"Yes!! Yes!!!"

Fffffsssssssssss…

"Nooooooooooo!!!!!! It was a dud, after all!!"

Tails cried for a few moments before standing up tall. He started kicking the missile.

"Damn you!!! Damn you!!! Ddddddddddddaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmmnnnnnnnnnnnn yyyyyyyyyyooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!"

Tails stopped his kicking and sat down. He gave a big, deep sigh.  

"I guess what I'm really supposed to do is consult my friends…for help…" he sighed again.

"I'll…just go…and ask…--Eggman!?"

"Wahaha!! I beat you Tails!! I am the Eggman!!! That's what I am!!! I am the Eggman!!! I've got the master plan!!! Hmm, that sounds like a good theme song for some sort of sequel. Oh well. I still beat you!!"

"No, actually, I came first."

"Arrrggghhhh…it's those damn mind games of yours!!! Don't you confuse ME with logic, little buddy!! I'm not falling for that!!!" 

Tails watched as Eggman took out a hammer.

"Now…to blow stuff up with this missile!!!" he said, determined.

Eggman approached the missile and hit it with a hammer. Nothing happened. Except for the fact that one of the missile's parts fell off, and onto Eggamn's foot.

"Ouch!! Ouch!! I've got a booboo!! Ouch!!!" Eggman cried in pain, holding his injured foot in both hands, while hopping around for balance on the other.

Tails sighed and flew away.

"Where would I find Sonic? I do need his help…" Tails thought about this for a while, before concluding, 

"I know!!! Windy Valley!!!"

And so, Tails took the train all the way to the Mystic Ruins, and approached a large column of wind. 

"Okay…here goes nothing!!"

Tails jumped into the column and got himself blown up and into Windy Valley. Tails spotted Sonic.

"Ah, there he is!! I was right!!"

"Hey, Tails!! I've been waiting for you here!!"

"Um…how long, exactly?"

"… … … … … … …I don't know. I just…don't know… … …"

"Hmm…I see…well can you h--"

"C'mon, Tails!!" Sonic began running towards the metal path.

"What, now he wants me to chase him?" Tails sighed, "I've gone through the wind-and for what? Well, so long as I get to talk with Sonic…if I beat him…" Tails sighed again, before trotting off.

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END CHAPTER NI

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Well, how'd ya' like it? This chapter was long, compared to Ch. 1. Oh well. Sorry I couldn't get it any sooner, but… …well, I was rather busy for a bit of a while. But, the second chapter's here now!! And, there's more zaniness to come!!!! Ookwee!!!


	3. Will the Real Slim Shady Please Shut up?...

Okay, all you fans who have been waiting!!! If it isn't already obvious, this be-eth chapter three!! Isn't that cool? This calls for me singing the smuttony song…

'Smuttony, smuttony, smut, smut, smut, smut, smu-u-tto-ny….'

Oh, by the way, smut is really a word. It's either a.) the blackening with soot, smoke, etc. b.) dirty pictures, potty mouth speech and/or potty mouth writing c.) A certain fungus of the plants, which causes black patches

There!! You now learned a new word. Use it wisely, my friend.

**Tails does the crime--but must he do the Time?**

**Chapter Tres (Spanish for three): Will the Real Slim Shady Please Shut up? Please Shut up? –and- Lookit the Birdie!!!!**

Instead of going the long, twisty way that Sonic went through, Tails jumped of the ground, the right side of it, and flew for a few moments until he reached the metal path. Tails was already ahead of Sonic. 

"All right!!" Sonic cheered from behind. 

Tails flew off to gain some more being-ahead-ness, while Sonic continued cheering, 

"You made it!!"

Tails flew for most of the level, just so he could be ahead of Sonic. He hardly had to touch the ground, and took every short cut visible. Tails freed the animals before Sonic did. 

"Great job, little buddy!!" Sonic happily said, when he finally got to where Tails was. 

"Great. Now can you help me?"

"With what?"

"Well, first of all, I have a question. How is the metal pathway able to stay in the air? It can't be held from something above, and there is no support from underneath. What makes it so suspended??"

"If you can't answer it, then I certainly can't. Anything else?"

"Ah, yes…well…see…I tried throwing an old guy into the water, but he just kept coming back!! There was no drowning this guy!!"

"You shouldn't throw old men into the water."

"I know…but still…"

"Maybe he's some kind of evil undrownable monster, come to take over the earth!! And he uses the burger place as his evil secret HQ. He offers doughnuts to people and says 'hey person, want a cookie?'"

"Um…right…Sonic, you okay?"

"BEWARE THE EVIL COOKIE-DOUGHNUT-THING OF DOOM!!!! DEFEAT IT BEFORE IT DEFEATS YOU!!!!!"

"I'll go ask Knuckles…"

"BEWARE!!!!! BEWARE!!!!!!!!!"

Tails tried to leave, but Sonic stopped him. 

"You can't leave!! I still need to make you AWARE!!!"

"It's okay, I got the point!!"

"You see, once upon a time--"

"Look!! Amy's coming this way!!!!!!!!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

"That trick works every time…but…I wonder why he's so scared of Amy…"

*************FLASHBACK MODE*******************

Tails-"The ship's losing altitude!!"

Sonic-"You take Amy outta this ship and to a safe place!!"

Tails-"Okay!!"

-------On the way to a safe place---------

Amy-"Birdie!!! Birdie birdie birdie birdie birdie birdie birdie!!!!!!!!"

Tails- "Amy, that gets really annoying!!"

Amy- "Ha, your only line was, 'this ship's losing altitude!'"

Tails- "Shaddup."

Amy- "Birdie!"

Tails-"If Sonic weren't such a goody-goody, I'd drop her right here and now…"

Amy-"BIRDIE!!!!!!!!!"

********************END FLASHBACK MODE***********************

"Oh yeah. Now I remember." Tails said to himself. He then got up and flew to Angel Island.

***

Angel Island was, surprisingly, not falling. When Tails landed, Knuckles was listening to rap music.

"Hey Knuckles." said Tails.

"Yo, yo, yo, wazzup bro.?"

"Um…really, you're cool without the whole 'rapping' bit…"

No, I ain't!! I rap to live!!!!"

"Okay…well, since you're so well, acquainted with rap stars, you must know of their crimes."

"Oh yeah, hell yeah!!"

"Yeah…I tried chucking an old guy into the water, but he survived. And I'll get arrested. So, I dunno…what do the rap stars do, like, say, when the police find them with crack?"

"Yo, yo, bro, they's stash it up all ovah' into da places whe da' police don find 'em!"

"Yeah, yeah…" Tails commented, taking notes.

"Oh, hell yeah, an 'den, when they's get busted up by dah police, they's gonna pay 'dem frickin' money!!"

"You mean like bribing?"

"Yeah, bro, what you tink I's be talkin' 'bout?"

Tails checked over his notes. 

"Hey!!! These notes are for people on crack, not people who throw old men into the water!!!" 

"Oh well. Bro."

Tails flew away. He went to Station Square. As he was passing overhead, he saw that the old man was still laughing evilly. 

Tails soon found a bench, one far away from the old person. 

"Arg…what am I gonna do? What'll I do!?" Tails got up to begin walking about. When suddenly, he tripped and fell over, on top of someone. 

"Ack!! I'm sorry!!"

"That's okay." said a familiar female voice. Tails looked up.

"Akkkkkk!!!! Amy!?!!?" Tails immediately got up.

"Don't get any funny ideas." he remarked.

"Of course I won't. You're too cowardly to. Virgin."

"What!?! I could do you right here and now!!!"

"Fine, try me. But pigs will fly once you can muster up enough courage."

"Grrrrrrrrr! I'll show you!!!" He stepped forward.

"AHHHHH!! What am I thinking?! I have a problem, I don't have time for this!!!!"

"See what I mean? Coward."

"I'll do someone. You'll see!!! Wait, you won't see, because I'd prefer my privacy. You just don't have any sex appeal, that's all."

"I'm the only main female character!!! What do you expect, a sequel of this game to come out which includes a busty, scantily-clad, female bat who seeks jewels and works for the government?!?!?!"

"… … …That's oddly specific…"

"You said you have a problem? I can help you."

"Well…might as well give it a shot." Tails and Amy sat at a nearby bench.

"So you see, I threw an old person into the water, he survived, and he's going to call the police…any day now…"

"Hmm…I have only one thing to say…"

"What is it?"

"BIRDIE!!!!!!!"

"WWWWHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAATT!?!?!"

"Chicken butt."

And with that, Amy left.

"Oh, what do I do, WHAT DO I DO!?!?!?!?!" Tails yelled to himself, holding his head in both hands and thinking how to get out of this situation. 

************************************************************************

END CHAPTER TRES

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Okay, I guess I should tell you now. This story is mainly based on this funny little thing that happens in Sonic Adventure 1. 

First step-choose either Tails or Amy (I haven't checked to see if this trick works on all characters, but it probably does). 

Second step-Go to Station Square. 

Third step- Go to the Burger place. 

Fourth step- Pick up the old man statue located near the Burger place. 

Fifth step- Go to the mini-beach-type place, between the dock and Twinkle Park. 

Sixth step- run down to the edge of the sand where the water begins, and keep running 'til you can run no longer. Then jump up and throw the statue. 

Seventh step-sit back and watch the old man statue slide all the way back to the sidewalk.  

Oh, yes, before I forget-I have nothing against Amy. She's an obscure character who doesn't get the attention she deserves. I have nothing against Knuckles. I just think his rap music sounds funny. I have nothing against Sonic. I just think he's…what do I think of Sonic? I have nothing against Tails. He is, after all, my favorite character.

Well, that's about it for today. See ya'!


	4. Will the Old Man Forgive? Or will he jus...

I have something special to say!!! I'm writing this chapter the day of the Academy Awards!!!! Yay!!!! I hope 'Spirited Away' wins the Best Animated Film award!!!!!!  I have another special thing to say!!!! To all my faithful readers: THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER OF THIS STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Happy are you not, no? Wait a minute…that made no sense…oh well!!!!!!!!! Just read some last chaptery goodness, OK?

Disclaimer: What do I own? Well, lessee…paper, sketchbook, copies of some Pokemon games…what do I not own? A hospital, Martha Stewart (phew!), and Sonic and his friends. There. I said it.

**Tails does the crime--but must he do the Time?**

****

**Chapter 4 (Oooo,** **so numerical): Will the Old Man Forgive? Or just plain Forget?**

"Maybe I can just apologize…as if that really can just be so easily forgiven, but may as well try…" Tails said to himself. He walked over to the sidewalk near the beach, hoping to see the old man still there, laughing evilly.

Tails saw his life being crushed as he noticed no old person there, no sound of evil laughing. 

"Augh!!!! What'll I do, what'll I do!?!?!?!!?" Tails yelled to himself, holding his head and zooming around Station Square. All that zooming couldn't make Tails loose one ounce of energy, he was just way too worried. 

Ah, but Tails is just such a silly stupid head, not watching where he was going. He tripped on a rock, and fell down with a bit of a skid to it. 

Tails looked up. He fell in front of the Burger Place. When he got up, he noticed the old man standing near the entrance, just like he was when Tails first saw him. 

The old dude turned his head around and spotted Tails. He grinned.

"Hey person...want a cookie?" he asked, offering Tails a doughnut.

"Why's this seem so familiar? Hmm..." Tails thought. 

********FLASHBACK MODE***********

"Well…see…I tried throwing an old guy into the water, but he just kept coming back!! There was no drowning this guy!!" Tails explained.

"You shouldn't throw old men into the water." Sonic said. 

"I know…but still…"

"Maybe he's some kind of evil undrownable monster, come to take over the earth!! And he uses the burger place as his evil secret HQ. He offers doughnuts to people and says 'hey person, want a cookie?'"

"Um…right…Sonic, you okay?"

"BEWARE THE EVIL COOKIE-DOUGHNUT-THING OF DOOM!!!! DEFEAT IT BEFORE IT DEFEATS YOU!!!!!"

"I'll go ask Knuckles…"

"BEWARE!!!!! BEWARE!!!!!!!!!"

********END FLASHBACK MODE**************

"S-Sonic was right!?" Tails thought, absolutely stunned. The old man held his doughnut closer to Tails.

"Smell it!! Doesn't this cookie smell good??" the old man was trying to persuade Tails. 

"Um…sir, that's a doughnut you're holding. Not a cookie." Tails corrected. 

Sonic's "BEWARE THE EVIL COOKIE-DOUGHNUT-THING OF DOOM!!!! DEFEAT IT BEFORE IT DEFEATS YOU!!!!!" started echoing through Tails's head. He immediately grabbed the doughnut, threw it to the ground, and started stomping on it.

"DIE!!!!! DIE!!!!!!!!!" he yelled.

"Hey!! What's going on here?" a Burger Place employee asked, stepping outside. 

"Ah!!! Billy!!! I was wondering when you'd get back here!!!" the employee added.

"Huh?" questioned Tails. The employee turned his head to face Tails.

"Billy is this old man. The people of the Burger Place constructed him He offers doughnut-cookie-things of doom to passerby, hoping they'll eat it. If they do, then they're hypnotized to work for the Burger Place and no other place. Cool, huh? Just don't tell anyone else of it." 

"E-hahaha, don't worry, I won't tell anybody."

"Good, 'cuz then I'd have to kill you."

"Hahahahahahahaha..."

"Hohohohohohohoho…"

"Hahaha…"

"Hohoho…"

"Ha."

"Ho."

"Please don't call me that."

"Sorry."

AND SO, WHAT ENDED UP HAPPENING WAS…

The Burger Place was very successful, thanks to Billy.

After Tails bragged to Sonic that Billy was a robot the Burger Place created and NOT a monster like Sonic had predicted, Tails worked under law enforcement.

Amy's "birdie" soon became road kill. Amy was deeply saddened. Amy was replaced by Rouge in the sequel and she became unplayable, which saddened Amy even more. Poo. Now she can't destroy Tails's virginity…or Sonic's…or Knuckles's.

Speaking of Knuckles, he was found with crack. But the police were scared of him, so they didn't do anything.

Sonic was going to defeat Chaos's perfect form as Super Sonic (that reminded me of DBZ…SSJ vs. Perfect Cell…), but Tails got to Chaos before him. He gave Chaos a ticket for not refreshing his parking meter. Chaos was finally being loved, so he disappeared and became peaceful again. 

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END CHAPTER 4

------------END STORY--Tails does the crime--but must he do the Time? -- --------------

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Whee!! If you got to this part, it must mean you survived!!! Yay!!!!!!!!11111111111

What's next? Sick and Twisted Hamtaro, hopefully.

See ya'!!! Now, to play Pokemon Sapphire…woot woot…^______________^ 


End file.
